What they don't tell you...

They say if you wait for the right person they will find you. What they don't tell you however is that they will just as likely find someone else.

So yes, this is not a passive remark. A word of wisdom as comes clear to the young. No, this is just a response to a status change. It's amazingly simple isn't it, that this is how our lives have become. Now social networking sites have an emotional effect on us. Seeing someone declare themselves as "In a Relationship" can bring closure for some and bring sadness for others, then there are just those who wish to gossip; do they have a type? Are they improving upon the last or have they found as good as they are going to get? But Gossip is not what has brought this thought to my mind. No, I have felt something shift in my heart. I know its just an organ, made to pump blood and keep us alive yet it is somehow much more then that. I felt sad.

Sad. Oh yes, I know what your thinking, if your still reading, this is just another blog about someone's lost love. He loves me, he loves me not. Go and pull the petals off a daisy and stop cluttering the internet with your drawn out emotions. Grow a spine and stand up straight. Well this is no lost love. Neither is it a found love. It's not even love. So what is it? It's a possibility.

A possibility! Turning emotions around onto the planes of chance and opportunity? To flip a coin! Ok, i'll admit, there is more to it then that. I'm human after all. So who is he, what is he to me?

He was a weight on the scale of passion. A balancing weight. I used this person to get back at someone who hurt me. I was with someone not so long ago and they took up another boy. I was aware of this boys existence, I mean I shared a bed with him. I'm still monogamous, it's the polygamist who imports people from the four corners of the world, to fold into his origami reality of flightless relationships. I just had to do something to make things even. At this point I should add that two wrongs can sometimes make a right. Yes, to work in my own favour and I will take it back as and when it suites me. And it was just a kiss. A kiss. But with this man I felt more passion then anything from this forged relationship I had sustained for 3 months. And it was a moment, an hour or so succeeded by lasagna. Then I never saw him again.

I never saw any of them again. Not The Polygamist and his Romanian lover, or this wonderful man. There is of course facebook, but what is that? A social networking site used only to catch those who pass the hook of the present tense yet manage to retain those in the net of the past. Their all in it together. Living their lives. And now he's In A Relationship.

They say if you wait for the right person, they will find you. I don't think he will find me, but one day he may find this washing up at his shore. And maybe he will know. I don't think much to the chance of this. The coast is far to wide, however this message has washed up on your shore. Maybe you will gain something from it. In writing this I find that its late. It is high tide and it should be I to be the one that got away.

Love

I know this is a topic which I have avoided writing about. I would hate to write a cliche, to compose a piece only for it to hit the fan, therefor I intend to replace the word 'love' with 'hurt'. Not because I'm pessimistic, or because I am hurt or broken, but as I lay in bed this morning, turning ideas over in my head, I realised that such a theory would work. Both Love and Hurt are strong feels which are so opposite, like a line running around the globe, it can be perceived as the furthest apart and then the closest together.

I never realised how much i could hurt someone. I would hurt to be with them, I would hurt just so I could spend time with them. It hurt at first sight. I could feel this feeling inside, I knew at once that it was hurt.

Not long after meeting this person, they said that they too hurt, they too felt the same way, and that we should be together. We soon found that anything we did to each other would be a method to express our hurt. I found that they would feel my hurt, we would talk about it. We would conclude that we had never felt so much hurt before.

At some point in time we hurt so much we just had to move in together. This the right thing to do, however we soon found that the little things they did, that we used to say we hurt for, we now could not stand. We found that our hurt for each other that had brought us together was no longer there. We found that the other was not satisfying. We did not like their habits, things were no longer working between us.

We found what hurt actually was, was lust. The realisation pained us.

It was not until some time after I realised that all the way through, our love just hurt. So why do we put ourselves through it? Are we just masochistic? Or is what we are told when our first pet dies actually true? Is it really better to have loved then lost, then never to have loved at all? Is it better? I expect not, however I know that this will not be the last time I fall into the bordeaux tinted emotion which is the colour of passion, emotion, pain and happiness, which best describes both Love and Hurt.