Daines on Sexuality

At the age of fourteen I waltzed out of the closet and curtsied to the door man on the way out. The rainbow flag was my Union Jack and I was looking forward to growing up in this world and 'have a gay old time'. But now, five years on, I'm not so sure.

I wonder if I skipped before I could walk, while other children were toddling, I was mincing. I look back now, and if I could have just kicked my rainbow jelly sandals and take a look at where I am now, then maybe things would be different.

Now here's the thing. I'm wondering if in my adolescence, my view on sexuality was misguided. Fitting into a category was important to me. Even if it was one that left me with months of hellish bullying at school, leading to a life changing moment where I decided if it was time to stay or to move on. Not that I regret what I have done of course, but now I wonder if things are changing.

If I look back at my life, I can pull a number of facts. I always did seek female friends. Men always seemed intimidating. I'm not made for sport. Shopping is a hobby and emotions are to be shown rather then hidden. So there we have it, a slightly effeminate male. Must be gay then, bless him.

But, maybe he isn't. Maybe I'm not. You see, I can see women in a different light, Maybe they are more then friends and shopping partners. Maybe they are wives and mothers. But I don't believe in marriage and I don't like children. So, maybe this is not how things are, well not for me. But how can I claim to be a heterosexual man?

Well, here is my thesis:

Women are for relationships, men are for sleeping with.

I think that I would happily spend the rest of my time with women. I have the best friendships with women. But sleeping with them, well that is fairly gross. They have 'in' bits where there should be 'out' bits and have curves where there should be straight lines of definition. Men, going shopping with, going out with, talking to, well all that dries up as fast as a gob on the pavement. But with women, it lasts for ever, conversation is worth salvation.

This leads me to thinking I must be heterosexual. Sexuality is about relationships, isn't it? Or is it just the reality of sex. I wouldn't say bisexual however. That indicates confusion. I however know what I want. So, sex with men, relationships with women. Once you have figured that one out, the whole world makes sense!